Sometimes I find it incredibly easy to walk away from people.
Sometimes not so much.
It is funny I’m writing this now because I just got a call from two said friends I walked from. Their angry I didn’t give them 20 dollars they feel I owe them, accusing me of being a drug addict – I don’t do drugs. Accusing me of being a moochey pooky little bitch yada yada yada.
They seem to think I’m angry at them the sad truth is I really don’t give a shit. I cannot bring myself to care. Today my phone called them probably because I pressed a button and it did so and so now I get to listen to their bullshit. I really could care less about either of them.
However last night a friend I do care about and I had a fight. It wasn’t a huge fight, it was just a fight. Just resentments finally coming out of the woodwork. He said something stupid, something that pissed me off and suddenly I got so fucking angry I didn’t hold back. I told him that I was angry he checked on our friendship. Understandably so he had no idea what I was talking about – understandable because well in the last year I haven’t confronted him, haven’t even tried which on my part wasn’t really all that fair.
I guess though Im just tired. What pissed me off is that when I finally decided to tell him how I feel he accuses me of being drunk and worse pulling out the poor me card. I never do that. Okay that might be a lie, yes of course I do Im human but not in this case and not with this man. Not with this person I admired, helped, worked with supported and repeatedly defended.
Not with this person I loved. With this person I thought I could be open and honest with, I could tell anything to. Nope apparently not. That hurts.
This is a man who indeed is selfish, and has little to no feelings for those around him but at his core is still a good person. He means well but does not always act well on those intentions. People get hurt, and so I wonder where he will be when when he’s chased everyone away.
I am broken, a piece of me – another deeper piece I didn’t know I had in me broke when our friendship splintered. I am not certain it will ever repair, it will heal but the scar will be there.
Until the day we meet again I say fair well, travel safe and take love with you where you go. I know you will do great things.