2013 a new begining

For twenty years I was promised the end of the world, like so many of you.

It seems so strange that we can say 2013, for when I was a child even the number “2013” seemed like something out of a science fiction novel. I have seen our world come so far in the last 30 years, (ouch) and yet I see we have so much farther to go still, I see now however a possibility I never expected before though.

I see the idea of a world where children laugh instead of scream, where education is free and people are striving for happiness and joy instead of striving to survive. I see all kinds of possibilities in the year 2013, that I never expected to live to see.

Even with all the darkness, for me for the first time in many moons, it does not feel like the darkness is winning, but instead that the light now has an army, a global army fighting for peace and serenity, equality.

With all of that being said, here are my top thirteen hopes, dreams, goals and wishes for the next year of my attempt to finding Ohna.

1. I want to replace my I.D. and get my passport. I wish to be able to travel and meet my many online friends across the N.A. Border, I wish to look into the eyes of the activists and sisters, brothers and friends I have made over the last year and see if we will laugh as much in reality as we do via the internet.

2. I want to see the Freedom statue in Cleveland. In fact I want to climb it, just to say I did.

3. I want to see Radio free Voice become a global movement of change and inspiration. I want to converse with people from all over the world live on air, and hear their stories through their voices.

4. I would like to build the Radio Free Voice bus and use it to travel around North America, doing works of service and live shows so that i can back up what I say on the air, with action.

5. I would like very much to write and publish my book.

6. I want to do 3 things I am terrified of doing, including, eating something I have never eaten before – Standing on the highest bridge in BC canada, and i dont know what else yet lol.

7. I would like to get the words May Li tattooed because some kids at the church I work at gave me that name which means Beautiful in Chinese.

8. I want to kiss a stranger in the rain

9. I want to dance with my toes in the sand of a beach I have never been to before.

10. I want to hug my friend Emilee for the very first time ever and meet her daughter.

11. I would like to stand still in two places at one time.

12. I want to create something amazing.

13. I want to make the fucking audio cables on RFV work so we can have multiple dj’s at a time lol

 

What are your thirteen hopes/dreams/goals and wishes for 2013?

S

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There are Days

When it feels that the world is ending.

There are other days when it just feels like there is no point.

Recently I have met some very wonderful people, none of whom I know in person, who I end my day with.

These people are amazing.

Some hate them because they hide behind a mask. Others because they see the mask worn proudly.

The truth is not all of these people wear a mask, and when they do it most certainly is not to hide.

I end my work days with these people almost daily it seems.

We play music, we joke and we laugh.

We share our stories and we do our best to cleanse the tears.

I pray daily that I can take the steps I need to take, so that one day I can look into their eyes.

Without the separation of distance and time, a computer screen and miles of wire keeping us apart.

Without you I would still be lost and alone. Afraid daily, empty and void.

I know you feel the way I feel, you are where I am, you are me and I am you.

I love you, sincerely, with all my heart.

I may never meet you, I may never hug you or touch you, make love to you or curl in your arms.

I love you.

Merry Christmas.

Syn

Not a guru

Someone called me that once, a Guru of knowledge. I had to laugh for I am no such thing. I am only a seeker of wisdom and a lover passionate of knowledge.

I am contrary to what some may think, not the best communicator – this is something I am only just now starting to learn.

I have a hard time criticizing someone, or telling them to back off when I need them to. Even worse I have a hard time confronting people when they think the worst of me – many times this makes people think I am angrier then I am.

Recently I have had several such dealings with someone who has made me feel like I am not good enough, or that I have nothing to contribute.

I have been subtly trying to show this person that they do not know me by sharing my experience, and by telling her some of my story, but I realized tonight that this person like many others is just not going to understand. No matter what I say or do.

I have for many years found that I am constantly walking on eggshells in order make other people happy – I have been living as half of who I really am because I am either too tired to have to constantly explain that “I believe in this, I know this, I’ve learned this” or I just do not care to share my story on a regular basis.

We are supposed to take time to get to know each other, and although I do honestly make an attempt to do that with people that I meet, I also recognize that in this one instance, her attitude towards me, her treatment of me and her opinion of me are none of my business. They are not going to change without a lot of work on my part, and to be honest with you when I am left feeling inadequate or not good enough, like I have nothing to offer I loose my desire to want to be nice to you.

I grow impatient and vengeful and I hold onto these negative feelings and they only get bigger and worse. This is not the kind of person I want to be, I am fighting every day to be better then that. So with that being said, her feelings towards me are none of my business.

I am tired of trying to make excuses for why people treat me the way they do so I give up. From here on out I am going to be me, and I am going to refuse to explain why I am the way I am any more, to any body. I am who I am an that’s all I am, and if you cannot accept that, take it up with the Universe.

S

The Sacrafice

They hunt in packs of two or more, sometimes three or four.

They seek the darkness, it’s protective shade wrapping around them like a glove. Keeping the light at bay.

They offer trinkets and treats, for a few moments of your time. They promise a good time, a party and an escape.

You will not say no, you have no choice. There is no time for fight or flight. There is only the sick realization that you have been chosen. You are the latest in a string of sacrifices. You are the lamb, and they are the guardians of the darkness.

Like wild dogs they maul, bite chew spit rape and humiliate. They use all methods of evil and destruction as their tools to break you, they will devour, they will ruin you. They are demons from the gates of hell freshly unleashed.

They are unaccounted for, unnamed and unstoppable.

Your screams will go unnoticed, your cries of terror and fear will go ignored, or worse not heard at all.

No one cares, for you are the forgotten, the left behind – you are that which does not matter, not to them, not to us, not to anyone. You are nothing. You do not exist. You are merely the sacrifice.

The police will not fight for you, the neighbors will not call fire to bring you aid, you are nothing. A toy, to be beaten, fed to the demon dogs until something better comes along, or until they are spent. Which ever comes first.

You will be chained to a tree, a warning to all others who seek solace in the dark, we are next. The women of this city are in danger, and no one is listening, no one is aware. No one hears the cries for help, the screams of surrender.

We are the Sacrifice.

Just another day in Surrey.

S

Angels and Demons

The history of the Art of Piercing in Canada

Then and Now

This is my new project.

For the next year I will be taking pictures and cataloging stories to be put into a book. I am really excited about this project, I have a few friends all across Canada that will be participating in it, some will do art work others will model. I am very excited. This is a project that I have wanted to do since I was seventeen years old.

When I was about 23 years old I met this amazing piercer from Richmond who told me to write a three page paper on the history of piercing (I was begging for an apprenticeship) unfortunately a crazy amount of shit happened (all of which you know) which forced me to be unable to follow that path. So I kind of left it behind but it’s always been there in the back of my mind – However writing that paper forever altered my ideas on life, on who I wanted to be. This project will indefinitely be dedicated to him.

I decided that the year of 2013 is not going to be about inspiring the world, not entirely at least. It is going to be about following my passion and doing all of the things I have always wanted to do.

This book is one of those things. I am not going to release all the details of the book just yet, but I will keep you updated here.

So to that end I’m curious, what are you passionate about that you have never done?

The things we don’t say

Growing up only a handful of people ever used the “N” word, for those of you who aren’t sure which word I am referring to I mean of course Nigger.

In my brothers high-school he had a lot of good friends that would call him nigger, because they were friends he didn’t take offense to it.

One day a kid that was not friends with my brother, who just wanted to fit in called my brother a nigger like the rest of Chris’s friends, so Chris egged on by his friends popped him in the face.

When questioned Chris explained this to my mom. Come graduation my mom of course saw his year book with everyone Chris was friends with calling him a Nigger.

The explanation was that Chris’s friends understood and could call him Nigger but strangers could not. How was a 12 year old kid supposed to know that? He of course just wanted to fit in.

I don’t know what happened to that kid but what I do know is that you need to decide how you want to be treated, who you want to associate with and set your boundaries  People will want to fit in with you and follow the pack reguardless of age, if you do not make sure your friends treat you a certain way people who want to be your friends will learn by example.

What kind of example are you setting for those around you?

Death of an innocent

She lived a life of addiction. She was older, often ignored and toothless. Going through life begging for change to get her new high, her mind long destroyed by drugs, abuse and who knows what else. She was quiet sweet and annoying, but she was innocent. A Victim of her addiction, she lived a life of no hope because for her there was no hope.

A few nights ago she was tied to a tree, beaten, sodomized, her eyes had been scratched out of her head, and she was left to die chained to a tree for all to see, as a warning to those on the street. 

There was no hope for her, no help. Either no one heard her screams or no one cared. I remember her, I didn’t particularly like her – I can own that. I can own that I didn’t do much to help her, I knew that she was going to die and for years I walked by ignoring her refusing to acknowledge her. She asked for nothing ever except money for drugs. She could barely speak.

She was not perfect, but she was a human being. Now like so many before she is nothing more than a statistic.

No one knows for sure if she is dead or laying in a coma, but the one true thing I can say about this woman is that at least now she is no longer suffering. If she makes it out she will be blind, and traumatized forever, but at least she will no longer be addicted. If she is dead, then I pray she is at peace. Either way her suffering at least physically is currently at an end.

There is something terrifying happening in the streets of my city. People have always lived here, raised their children here, done their drugs and their crime and died here, but something very scary is happening more so than ever.

There is a drug war going on and it is not silent any more. The dealers no longer care if their bag boys are busted, there are always more where the first batch came from.

The money is too good of a draw to convince people to stay clean and sober, to stay out of that world. Every single day for the last few years we have heard of beatings and murders, but this is not just murder any more. It is not enough to take a life any more, you must – if you are apart of that world – make an example of those you hunt.

You must humiliate, torture and make an example of your victims.

Tonight I sit here, thinking about that woman. I think about the number of times I got lucky, I never went into addiction that way. For me drugs and alcohol weren’t a problem, it was ignorance and escapism.

I thank the Goddess that I am free of that world – that I am not looking over my shoulder the way I used to. Make no mistake however, I still look over my shoulder.

I still check to see if a crazed criminal is coming my way, or if I am about to be caught in a cross fire. I worry about being home alone at night, I worry about whether or not I am going to be grabbed and raped like another woman a few weeks ago.

I worry about serial killers, rapers and beaters because now these are issues that we have to deal with in this city. I am angry because the Mayor is not addressing these issues, neither are the papers or the televised news.

I worry that we will have another pickton to worry about because people are not aware of what is going on or why it is going on.

I am angry that those with money are now trying to push homeless and addicts, single parent families out of this city so that they will turn into someone elses problem, instead of doing what they should in order to protect those that are here.

I am angry that I am seeing scared cops turning into angry cops. I am angry and for all my inspiring words about standing up for what you believe in, raising your voice when you see something wrong, no one is listening.

S