Enter my friend Fear

I have convinced the humanoid creatures of the planet earth that I am brilliant. The truth is that I am probably 1/10th as smart as I think I am. Everything I know I learn by doing. In the past everything I touched either failed colossally or simply just fell apart.

This is why Radio Free Voice is so important to me. It isn’t just about inspiring people, although that is a huge part of it – RFV is about building a future for myself so that my children never have to grow up being afraid like I did. I grew up being very afraid all the time.

Through RFV I have begun to manifest a destiny for myself that I never thought possible.

Always there is my friend fear sitting in the corner telling me that I can’t do it, that I will fail and everything I am working for will fall a part. That my partner will decide one day to up and leave me and I’ll be back at square one, again.

This week I have been trying to speak vocally as little as possible because my throat is so sore. Ironically although I have not used my voice much I recognize now more than ever that RFV helped me to find it again. I am not certain where this journey will lead, or what will come of it. I have no idea if I will succeed in making RFV a business empire or instead a model of what not to do.

Legacy has been spending a lot of time over the last several months teaching me some business ideology as well as terms and practice. He has far more experience then I do. While I am indeed very grateful for his teachings one thing, one goal, one promise to myself remains unfulfilled and Fear has gained a foothold here.

I want more than anything to go to Collage.

Until I wrote those words I had no idea how important that is to me. How utterly truly and completely it matters but it really does. I want to have that piece of paper at the end of the day that says “Collage Graduate”.

My mom is pretty quiet on the topic, unless I tell her that I can’t do it. “Thousands of people your age are just going to school now” and while that is certainly the truth, it seems I do not qualify for the programs or scholarships that I want to enter.

For instance the broadcasting class I looked at is 22,000 dollars. I don’t have that and the Government of Canada won’t supply it, I do not qualify for one reason or another. Age bracket, race, job etc. If I want to be a nurse however I can get thousands in school loans.

This isn’t to say that I won’t accomplish my dream of being a Radio DJ, (I’m already there) or that I won’t go to College, but for now it seems to not be in the cards.

One way or another before I die however I will have that piece of paper in my hand. If Mamma love can run a marathon in a wheelchair I can graduate college. Nothing is impossible.

S

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