At the moment I am watching “Why did I get Married Too?” Which is the second installment in the “Why did I get Married” series. It is a beautiful story of four couples learning that the work in a relationship does not end after the wedding.
In my post “Sleeping with the Enemy” I talked about my disastrous relationship with a man who would turn out to be a pedophile. While it is true he was the first boyfriend, he was not the only man I have been with.
I have time and time again gone for the same man. I have gone for the guy who liked power, who liked to manipulate anyone and everyone into doing their bidding.
On Friday night my friend sent me a text to tell me he had a man for me to meet. Everything inside of me shriveled because I know I am not ready to date. At least not until I deal with what is going on inside my head, until I bury my past once and for all.
The truth is that after every bad man I have instead of dealing with the pain they left, moved on to another hoping he would be the conquering hero to “save me”. It is only recently I decided to learn how to save myself.
It is only recently I decided I did not need a man to be happy, to be healthy and strong.
With that being said I feel I should recognize something that few people admit. It is incredibly hard to be with a good strong man after being with a bad weak one. It is so difficult not to take all your preconceived notions and not place them into your current relationship. It is so hard to learn to trust someone who is genuinely good when you are constantly expecting the worst, but I think that even more so it is difficult for the man to be with a good woman who has been so badly abused.
When a good man who has always treated women with great respect finds himself caring for a woman who has been broken and bruised he may or may not understand why she is so afraid. Why she is so un-trusting. He can become bitter and angry, hurt and this can put a strain on the relationship.
This is where the art of the balancing act comes in. The broken woman must learn that not every man is going to hit, scream or yell, not every man is going to batter and abuse.
The good man must learn that it is going to take time for those wounds to heal, and he must be willing to be patient.
Both partners must learn to discuss and keep open communication flowing or all will be destroyed.
“Yeah yeah Syn your single what do you know” Ha! My friends I have chased away more good men then I care to count. I know what I am talking about.
A wise man once said “First Deal with head, then deal with heart” and no truer words have ever been uttered.
Good luck with the dating scene friends.