Pain is indeed a very private thing no matter who you are no matter what you have been through you cannot understand the pain I’ve been through because you are not me. Just like I can’t understand what it is like for you because I am not you.
Finding Ohna is about me. It isn’t about me trying to help you find answers – though if something in my stories and memories, thought ramblings and posts resonates with you well then all the better. In the end however Finding Ohna is about my pain, it is about me letting it go into the Universe so that one day I can look back at the catalogue of crazy things I’ve said, done and been through and go “damn, I’ve come pretty far”. It is the electronic journal that is currently keeping me sane.
Recently I saw a post about how to make your blog famous, it went something like this: “People don’t come to your blog to hear you bitch they come to find answers to their problems”
Nothing I say here should be considered advice. In fact if you are here looking for answers, I suggest you seek medical help…. immediately.
I would love to find out one day that someone came to my blog and read one of my many memories and ramblings and suddenly went “EUREKA, I FOUND ZE ANSWER!” but the chances of that happening are highly unlikely.
I don’t share my stories expecting anyone to read them, or expecting anyone to give a shit really I do it because it is the healthiest way I know of to get rid of the darkness so I can make room for the light.
In recovery I found every time I would stand up and speak people would take what I say out of the meetings and talk about it, that was supposed to be a sacred safe space where nothing I said was ever repeated. I have since left recovery again – the difference this time though is that I am making a concentrated effort to better myself. I stumble I fall – hell I fucked up massively this week.
However I also know and expect that people may one day talk about what I write here – and well hell it’s the internet so that safety net is removed. No one I know reads this blog. Even if they did I wouldn’t care because at the end of the day sharing my pain with the universe, not you the reader, but the universe *such as it is on this platform* is how I am learning to heal and to let go.
That is my two cents for the morning.
Thank you to @ImSimplyDebbie for the inspiration.