Shoutouts and Sadness

There are few “bloggers” (dear god I hate that term) who’s blog I go out of my way to read. There are even fewer that I enjoy reading.

One of them without a doubt has to be Attack of the Red Neck Mommy.

Scott Southard  recently wrote a post entitled The Art Of The Blog: Getting Personal . In it he discusses the art of creating yourself as a character.

Tanis Miller does this expertly. Ms. Miller writes about her life, her children, her husband, and each entry is written as if she is creating a whole new world just for the reader. However it is still a mommy blog.

I have said a thousand times how much I detest Mommy Blogs – I am resentful of them, in several of my posts I talk about the loss of my son. If you haven’t read them you should know his name would have been Conner. Some days I think I would have named him Conner James Hallgate – other days it changes, but his first name would have been Conner.

Last year Tanis wrote an article about her son, Jumbie. Jumbie was born on the same day that her son Shalebug died a year later.

While Jumbie is adopted, he is no less her son. Last year she wrote a post about finding his birth mother on facebook – Tanis spoke about how hard it was to see pictures of her baby being claimed by another woman. You see Jumbie isn’t like other children – He is beautiful and strong, and from his pictures I can tell you he is has a stunning smile. He was also born severely disabled. However that is where I become very interested in Tanis’s story. To look at Jumbie you would know that he is disabled but he is no less loved. He is no less cared for then any other child should be.

Tanis Miller’s blog is the only site in which I feel like I am understood. I connect to her because although my son didn’t even make it to term both of us lost a child. Life brought Tanis a blessing however because now she and her beautiful (and sometimes crazy family) have Jumbie.

Today someone sent me this: Mother Kills Daughter blames Muslim 

When I read this I thought of my son Conner, I thought of Jumbie and I thought of Shalebug and Tanis and I will later cry for all of us. I will cry because around the world women and men beat, abuse and torture their children. Children are the greatest gift in the world and yet some people either don’t care or do not have the capacity to kill.

It is not often I allow myself to wonder why my son had to die, why My Conner had to die and her Conner got to live. It is not often I stop to think about it because it hurts so much. Tonight I wonder who decides which mother gets to keep their children, while another has to lose hers. Which angel stands over a mother and watches as mom smothers the life out of baby? I don’t know about you but I’d personally I would like to take that Angel and smack him upside the head.

At least for now I know that somewhere in the world there is a mother who gets it. Who understands what it is like to lose a child.

S

 

 

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