I have like many people trying to make a name for themselves, thought long and hard about spending extra money to advertise Finding Ohna. I have considered selling advertising on the site to bring in some extra cash. I have for as long as I could remember wanted to be a writer.
One thing has always stopped me however from doing either of those two things: I want my writing to stand for itself. I want people to say “wow I can’t believe I just read something so utterly poetic and amazing” I don’t want to be compared to writers of the past, I want to surpass what they have achieved.
This morning I realized something, actually I realized two things, The first is that a new friend I met only a few days ago will or would perhaps read this post and say something like “Syn, how do you expect to achieve that goal when you won’t complete your first novel?” and second I realized I am a writer. I wake up every morning and I breath, eat and sleep words. It is the last thing I think about before Mr. Bunny and the first thing I wake up thinking about in the morning.
I spend a great deal of time cursing, begging and often pleading or attempting to bribe the world of muses’ to come by my side and whisper in my ear. Sometimes they do, often they do not – and on the few occasions they do come and send me something amazing I rarely remember it the next morning.
The really amazing thing though is that today I wonder if on those occasions the muses come to me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, perhaps they aren’t meant to see the world. Perhaps they are just for me and me alone, that makes me feel pretty special.
Over the last year Fifty Shades of
shit er Gray made headlines with it’s “amazing sense of the female mind” personally it made me (and many other writers) want to throw up.
I think I got through half of the first chapter before I fell asleep. It was the first time in my life that I wanted to burn a book. (I didn’t, it ended up in the laundry room where some desperate housewife I am sure has by now grabbed it up and passed it on).
I wasn’t bothered by the bad grammar, I wasn’t even bothered by the horrible subject matter. I was bothered by the fact that if all the author has managed to do was remove the vampires. It’s fan fiction, a genre that is quickly becoming notorious for taking over the literary world.
This bothers me greatly. It seems these days it doesn’t even take talent to weave a story, so long as you can successfully transform something that has already been done to death so it is nearly un-recognizable you can self publish your book and before you know it your on the shelves.
I know I know, this is coming from someone who has never published anything worth a note, but to me I find that the pleasure comes from putting words together. I realize now I do not care if I am ever published….so long as I am always able to tell a story be it real or fiction, so long as I am able to put pen to page or finger tips to keys my dream of being a writer has come true.
It is time however, believe me I am aware of this, to challenge myself further. I am aware now that I can write, I have the ability I am even dare I say it half decent at it. To love the art of writing, to enjoy the craft of putting that pen to page is no longer good enough. I want more, I want to know if I can write something that will challenge the way a person thinks, that will inspire a young girl to want to be a writer.
I remember when I was a child, I had this vision of me sitting outside a publishers office, I was laying on my stomach holding a copy of my first published book. I have never forgotten that image, I dare say I never will.
I am destined for something in this world, I am not sure what. I know though that whatever my destiny holds it will be more then just sitting back and watching the world pass me by. I will be a part of it. I will see my name on the cover of a book one day, and when I do I will look up and smile to the heavens, knowing that at long last my muse has given me a story to tell the world…instead of a gift just for myself.
So to all of the writers, past present and future, thank you for inspiring me to want more.