As an adult who suffered sexual, emotional and physical abuse I understand what young people today are going through. I have yet to have a single person between the ages of 12-21 tell me I don’t get it because I share my story whenever I can. I do so because I truly believe it is important that kids today know they are not alone. I truly believe the only way someone who is suffering can know they are not alone, is for them to be shown that they are not alone.
Growing up, and even today as an adult I often feel like I am un-lovable, like I am un-worthy of being loved, but I know deep down that when those dark negative feelings begin to affect me I have to remember to stop and breath. To take a moment and remember that just because I feel like I am alone does not mean that I truly am in fact alone.
My higher power is with me always. It took me 29 years to accept that fact, to find my higher power and to trust that when the darkness comes, the light will follow. I have been through a lot in my life time but what I know most of all is that when the day comes I walk away from this life I will do so having left behind as much love and light as I can.
I have yet not earned the peace that death brings, because I know there is still yet work to be done. I know at this point in my life I do have a higher purpose, it took me nearly thirty full years to come to terms with that.
Recently I did a new video for Skin n Bones, it was simple – a collection of images of young people who have committed suicide in the last two years. We used a picture of a young man named Allem Halkic in the video – He was from Australia I don’t know much of his story because I have a hard time reading the stories of these young people who throw their lives away, who live in so much pain.
In any case Allem’s father contacted me to say thank you. Last night on twitter a young man credited me and my mission with his not cutting his arm or attempting to kill himself. Every day I am hearing from more and more people about how I am affecting them.
These are probably one of the best gifts I have or could ever be given. To know that I helped someone smile, to have brought even a tiny amount of peace to someones heart. Even if I can’t do it for myself right now, I know that at long last I have found my place in the world. This is incredible to me.
The feeling of knowing you have helped someone without ever wanting or needing anything in return truly is a gift from the Gods, that is what love is.
Yet another lesson I am learning just now as I roll myself back into my twenties *shut it*. Love isn’t just about work, it is about giving freely of yourself and expecting nothing in return, giving as much as possible and knowing that whether it comes around or not you have left behind some piece of yourself that you do not need to have returned.
I still believe wholly in love, I believe that true love comes from giving away what you have freely, from having no expectations and learning to live as if the world were what it should be, to show it what it can be. You will hear me mention that quote a lot because I believe that we must do that, we must always live as though the world were as it should be, because if we do not we cannot evolve, we cannot change.
Giving love is much easier then receiving love, but that is okay because as life goes on I feel it all around me, constantly growing stronger, constantly enriching my life.
Life is filled with love, you just need to have the courage to stand up and find it.