Yet again I find myself Stuck, Again.
How did this happen? That yet again I am in charge of taking care of other peoples responsibilities?
At what point can I just say enough is enough and walk the fuck away?. You know it’s bad when I start swearing I almost never swear “in the blog”. In any case heres why I haven’t written in awhile..(She wrote as if you care. )
A few weeks ago a young woman code named “Blondie” came to live with us – now bare in mind that she is sixteen years old and her mother is a raving lunatic.
This young girl came to us because one night a few weeks ago mom decided to rant and rave until two am, Blondie went to hide in her room and rather than leave the girl alone, mom (her mom not mine) decided it would be wise to use a hammer and screw driver to break down the door.
Mom fell in with the door and Blondie ran outside and called 911.
Now we’re dealing with the fact that because Blondie is not in Foster care, and has no desire to be put in care the child tax credit that SHOULD go to the kid, is going to the mother – the lunatic who has so far done and said everything she can to get a reaction out of my mother, myself and the child.
Of course we’re being smart and keeping our mouths shut – knowing full well that her breaking the no contact agreement is her way of trying to get us to respond, to give her a reaction, an in to communicating with us continuously. As hard as it has been I am keeping my mouth shut because really what is the point of arguing with a loon? It will not change the behavior, it isn’t making my little sister / foster kid feel any better, and it’s just going to aggravate the situation.
At the same time I feel like I have been blocked into a corner. Because of all this I have had to cut off my internet, to prevent any fb communications, I currently have a locked phone I cannot access (yay for playing around at three am) which means the only number I can dial is 911, and I personally am yet again cut off from my life because I am so busy taking care of one more person. How did this happen again? I know it is all really a matter of circumstance – it isn’t exactly like momma love planned this just to torture me but at the same time I find it all very frustrating.
Right now my life consists of helping out with Daycamp because the Co-ordinator a is a bloody moron and coordinator b is dealing with a lot of his own. So for the most part I wake up every day at eight, come to Daycamp deal with all their bullshit and internal fighting, deal with momma loves bullshit, and the volunteers that think I am the devil incarnate (because they really have no idea who I am – they just see mom in a wheelchair and assume I do nothing to help her – ever) at the end of the day I race home to take care of the dog and to make dinner for blondie and momma love.
On the three days in the last 2 months I have laid about doing nothing I have been made to feel absolutely guilty because how dare I sit on my ass and not clean or cook for other people – how dare I resent the fact that blondie has decided 7pm is too late to finish her chore so I have to do it – how dare I resent the fact that I have things I want to accomplish and do not have time to do because I am so busy taking care of everyone else.
How the hell did this happen AGAIN? and more importantly, how the fuck do I escape?