How to handle a broken woman

I was going through my stats and one of the thing that my slimstat plugin does is tell me what people search for when they have found my site. One of the topics that came up was this “How to handle a broken woman”. I find that very interesting that when searching for that, people have found my site given what I’ve been through in the last thirty years.

It occurs to me that we as humans have no problem complaining about what people do to us to victimize us, but do we really stop to think about what we do to ourselves?

Take the woman who gets beaten up by her boyfriend on a regular basis for example: (using myself as an example)  I was never afraid of what would happen if I pissed him off because Jaxson never got angry. He didn’t yell he didn’t scream, he just waited until I wasn’t paying attention and made sure I ended up bruised in “accidents”.

For instance I’d “fall” down the stairs or “walk” into a door, all legitimate reasons to hurt yourself, until you realize the boyfriend is drugging you up before these “accidents” happen and helping you into a fractured foot or a miscarriage – and even after I figured out what was going on, even after I realized he had me so doped up I couldn’t see straight, I stayed. What the hell was I thinking? The truth is I wasn’t. It was a mix between being so emotionally broken and easily malleable, and being so doped up I really didn’t give a shit one way or another anyways.

Okay okay whatever, now your the girl thats still kind of broken but I want to date you, how the hell am I supposed to get close to a woman whose terrified of men?

The quick answer is go slow – and don’t be so arrogant as to think that it’s all about you – keep communication open and don’t be afraid to yell. Women who have been abused need to learn a few things about life such as the following:

  • Not every man who yells is going to throw a plate at your head or shove you down the stairs after. 
  • Just because he’s angry doesn’t mean that he’s going to treat you like shit.
  • Just because you have a fight and he storms out doesn’t mean he’s going to leave.
  • Communication, communication, communication. Ladies when you find the good guy, make sure you feel safe enough to speak up, and if you don’t feel safe speaking up you need to convey that somehow. Without communication no relationship can last, especially if your already carrying damage from a past relationship.

Now guys unfortunately if you want to be with a broken woman you have to remember somethings too:

  • These women have been brainwashed into a certain kind of behavior that is not going to change over night and even with therapy  women need real life experience to remind them that not every guy is going to smack us around. 
  • Women who have been abused have a lot of triggers. This isn’t your fault but you need to be aware of these triggers and work openly and communicate a lot in order to get past them.
  • Take your time, and for the love of god be patient.

Relationships have to be a team effort or why bother? Both counterparts have baggage – as humans every person we’ve ever come in to contact with has taught us a lesson about the kind of person we have to be. Part of the excitement of a new relationship is getting to know how those view points work with your partner. Remember without honest and direct communication you have absolutely nothing.

To those who stop by and read this I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts.

S

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