Self Sabotage

For those of us who have ever suffered the dark hand of abuse self sabotage comes in handy. It’s our self-defence mechanism to protect us from getting hurt. If you are a habitual reader of this site then you know there are times when I post a lot and times I post almost nothing. Some of that comes from writers block and some of it comes from the fact that the idea of actually seeing this blog become a “success” is scary as fuck.

It’s scary because writing a “successful” blog takes commitment, and anyone who has been through what I have will fully understand that commitment is a no go. People like us never want to commit because hey what if we put our heart and souls into something that doesn’t work out? What if we fail?

Last night I had the opportunity to speak to Mike who runs the Phoenix Center here in Surrey BC. It’s a very successful very powerful recovery center. He is a very influential man with a lot of friends in high places. He is also a man who spent years recovering from his addiction to drugs.

He said to me last night “I have failed at every job a person would think possible; I have failed as a father, an employee, a husband and a son. I have failed so many times that I now have nothing left to lose”. It was the single most important thing I’ve ever heard, because hey I’ve already been a failure.

I had dreams of being a famous writer one day, and I suppose I still do – but I realize now as much as I want to write the great Canadian novel the fears that I hold inside of failure have been holding me back from writing even word one.

Okay well taking Mike’s philosophy into action here goes:

I’ve failed as a daughter, a sister an employee. I’m thirty years old I have – $40.00 in my bank, I have yet to make a name for myself in anything I have done so hey I have nothing to loose.

Self-Sabotage only works when you have something to be afraid of. Since I’ve already failed at a thousand different opportunities that fear should no longer have the power to hold me back unless I let it. Guess what? Screw you self-sabotage, I take my power back.

To that end I want to thank the few people who have been inspired enough to not only continue to read this blog but also to subscribe to it. It really means alot that my journey has had even a small effect on you.

To those not subscribing to this blog let us make a deal shall we? From here on out to all the people that subscribe I will promise to send you a pearl of wisdom once a month.

On an related note I am also very curious about your journey of finding your own ohna. If you’d like go be a guest blogger here please let me know below. I look so forward to hearing your stories. I joined Bloglovin tonight so if your blog is listed there let me know and I’ll be sure to follow and give it a read.

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See you on the other side lovelies.



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