Success, isn’t what you see

Whoopi: I know you want to sing. See. I love to sing. Nothing makes me happier.I either wanted to be a singer or the head of the Ice Capades. Hey. Do you know who the Ice Capades are? Don’t roll your eyes. They were very cool. I went to my mother who gave me this book…called Letters To A Young Poet. Rainer Maria RilkeHe’s a fabulous writer. A fellow used to write to him and say: “I want to be a writer. Please read my stuff.” And Rilke says to this guy: “Don’t ask me about being a writer. lf when you wake up in the morning you can think of nothing but writing…then you’re a writer.”I’m gonna say the same thing to you. If you wake up in the mornin’ and you can’t think of anything but singin’ first…then you’re supposed to be a singer. 

~Sister Act 2

Him: “What do you do?”

Me: “I’m a writer”

Him: “Well have you ever published anything?”

Me: “Well no, but I will one day”

Him: “Well than you aren’t really a writer are you? you’re an aspiring writer.”

This conversation swept me into a downward spiral that stopped me from really writing anything for years. One day very randomly I woke up and remembered this scene from Whoopi Goldberg’s Sister Act 2.

I remember as a child dreaming about my first book being published – I remember seeing my self sitting on a hill outside a publishing house reading the very first copy of my published book. I don’t know where the desire to become a writer came from, nor do I know if I will ever write a book.

What I do know is that I (of all people) wrote an article for a website called “Clear Your Stress“. Now because I can let me tell you this is a really wonderful website, for people of all ages races sexes etc. It’s beautifully designed, and the writers are from all walks of life. The other writers on the site all give advice on how to calm yourself when stressed, how to deal with stress. Most of the advice found on the site revolves around meditation. While I won’t tell you exactly what I wrote until the article comes out (this saturday woo hoo yahoo so awesome) I will tell you that you are very unlikely to find anything else like it on the site.

I decided a long time ago that I was not going to be conventional. While my highschool friends were looking for guys with the cutest butts and sexiest cars I was waiting on the guy who was going to treat me good. While they shopped and obsessed with their weight, I fell in love with art and music. I got fat because frankly I didn’t give a shit about how I looked. Against the wishes of all of my bullies, I didn’t really care if I were fat or ugly. That was never what bothered me, I think I was more offended by the fact that they felt they had a right to point out these negative aspects of my being.

Actually when I look back that was exactly the problem. I never really understood how I looked, or what I wore offended people so much. My current catchphrase as of late has been “if my fat ass offends you then quit staring at it“.

When I look back at all the time I wasted thinking about what people thought about me or what label they decided I just absolutely had to have,  I realize that all that time could have been spent pursuing my dreams.

successmarkLately as I’ve written in a few other posts, I have been opening myself to the idea of writing for other websites, and having other people write for this one. (So far no takers.) Of all the websites in all the world a website called “Clear your stress” has decided to publish me. I am humbled honored and yet again much like I did when I was nominated (by me shush it counts) by the Canadian Web blog Awards, I feel vindicated. I am a writer.

This is the e-mail I got from Karen:

Hi Devon,
Thanks so much for your article.  The Editor just loved it.  We decided to go with the original version.  Your article will be live on our site Saturday.  We would love to see more like this too!  Warmly, Karen

Wait what?! I didn’t see the part about wanting more from me.

This is absolutely new territory for me. Not only am I being published on a site that I like (even if it is a little girly for my tastes – and yes I’ve seen the template of my website shaddap) but the fact that they want to see more? This means that I now have to decide if I want to write more for them. (Seriously? This is the way a writer’s mind works, deal with it we’re artists).

That means I have to actually make a commitment to something…What the hell have I gotten into? some writers would be ecstatic, I know my beloved Tanis Miller could (as she would say) fart out five-six hundred amazing words of prose on the best way to keep calm in any situation with no problem. My best friend Kelly who is amazing and wonderful and lovely has her own personal “rainbow shitting unicorn” (her words not mine) and could change your life with her style of giving advice.

Wait wait wait, what the hell am I doing? My dream is finally coming true and now I’m finding reasons as to why I cannot fulfill the commitment I made as soon as I clicked “send” the first time?

This my fellow Ohna Finders is all part of the journey. Success is not given to you on a silver platter, hell it isn’t even earned not really. It’s the journey thats earned. Each step we take, it takes work. First you have to decide you want to succeed, then you have to get up off your ass and figure out how your going to succeed, then you have to actually stand up declare that you will succeed and begin walking running and skipping towards your goal.

If I have learned anything though, success is not planned. The Road to hell is paved with the best intentions – sometimes finding success is just pure luck. Hell I had no intention of doing anything more than a facebook page with SNBG, and look how that turned out?

While I may not be ready to run jump and skip yet I have put my toe in the sand and I have to say it feels pretty damn good. So yeah maybe I will write another article for Clear Your Stress dot Com, any suggestions?



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