So it is now two days after my surgery and I’m really surprised at my reactionary response. My life hasn’t changed all that much I mean I had some bad teeth removed, it isn’t exactly life altering. My worry was never about how I would look (I look exactly the same by the way). It was more about what am I going to do when I no longer need to take morphine and drink myself to sleep to deal with the pain…honestly? I feel really good considering.
One friend who I confided my fear of taking morphine said to me “you are a drug addict what the hell are they doing prescribing you morphine for?” I explained to her that it wasn’t exactly fun for me and that I was afraid of how I’d react but that I was being careful. As I look back at that conversation I realize I take great offense. First off I am not a drug addict, I am a person who at one point in her life had a problem with drugs and alcohol. I am no longer that person any more .
I am a strong wise Ohna Finder, who has worked to deal with the issues that led her to using drugs and alcohol. Don’t get me wrong I am in pain, or rather discomfort, nothing like I was before. I do not reach for anything stronger than Tylenol nighttime or ibuprofen however. I do not go running to the ER because hey it isn’t that bad.
As I write this I am shaky as hell but that comes from having downed a starbucks double shot, not from the need for drugs. I was really worried that after all the alcohol I was drinking and the pills I was taking I’d be in a state of discontent and would return to my desire to pop pills the truth is I am now in a state where I take my prescribed medication only and exactly as prescribed. I worked very hard to get to this point and I am proud of myself for not only coming as far as I have but realizing it too, and to be frankly honest, I am ashamed of my friend for having such little confidence in me. Those who know me, should know by now I can do anything I put my mind to and nothing and no one is going to stop me.
I know I still need to discuss my hurt feelings with my friend, but I also know she was just worried about me, but by the same token I can’t help but wonder if she was so worried…..why hasn’t she called to see how I am doing?
What about you? Have you recently dealt with someone not believing in you? How did you handle it?